Being born in Fall of 1977 means the early 80’s are a blurry mist in my mind. While I’d love to remember the faces and voices of long-deceased relatives who were healthy and active during this time, my memory has mostly faded along with the few photos that remain. Fortunately there are sights and sounds that do trigger strong memories of this time, one of them being certain songs.
Growing up in a rural community meant long drives into town for groceries and other necessities. It was almost 40 years ago when I first heard the song “King of Pain.” As a 5 year old staring out of the window of my mom’s Cutlass Supreme, I was haunted by the lyrical imagery of a “butterfly trapped in a spider’s web” and a “dead salmon frozen in a waterfall.” While my young brain couldn’t fully process every metaphor, I understood the song’s distressing intent. From that moment on, I was drawn to the music of The Police and after they disbanded, Sting.
You boys just couldn’t get along.
Now in my 40’s, with a long commute to work, I’m still listening to their music. My mind revels in the darkly lyrical creativity often contradicted by jolly musical notes. In fact, I’ve listened to The Police through every decade and phase of my life to date. Their music has enriched my mind with new concepts, helped me cope with loss and grief, and question love and relationships.
This series of articles will be devoted to our favorite musicians and the songs that have traveled with us through different phases of life. That’s why I’m calling it “The Enduring Life of Songs.” Some songs persist with us at different stages of life and take on different meanings and understandings. Check back soon for my article featuring Sting’s overlooked song, “All This Time.”
At this stage, I’m not all that fun but hey, I’m working on it. While a convenient excuse would be that having small children has turned me into a manic shrew, in fact, I’m probably more fun now than I was 5 years ago. Before sharing my tips for boosting your inner fun person, I’ll tell you a little bit about my background.
Growing up in an isolated rural setting, I developed a propensity for objects and tasks over people. This type of upbringing often leads to a conscientious observer personality with technical aptitude. Some may refer to us as nerds. And so that’s what I am. A female nerd. If you saw me today, you’d probably not guess I know the Sith Lord master-apprentice lineage from Star Wars mythology, or how to automate leveling your tailoring skills in Everquest 2. You also might not think I can take 3.5 million lines of raw data and turn it into an interactive dashboard, but I certainly have. I can accomplish all of these items with ease and find them “fun” but they are considered boring by most subjective standards.
Even my Easter eggs are nerdy.
My journey has been complex and often lonely. A pleasant appearance and rural Alabama upbringing often elicits unflattering stereotypes about my intellect and abilities. For example, I have trained coworkers and shared knowledge with those who did not have these perceived flaws and watched them garner favor using the learning they received from me. These small injustices damaged my spirit and led to self loathing and defeat. In my case, I wanted so much to be someone else, that I lost what is unique about me which is my background and my journey.
While my situation is uncommon, many of us struggle through daily slights and injustices that lead us to question our purpose and identity. Below are some tips I use for coping:
Focus on yourself. This one is especially tough for me. Social media, working in a crowded office, and living in a small town all contribute to daily comparisons made between myself and others. Some people are masters at projecting a perfect life and image but at what expense? Falling into the trap of comparison is mentally defeating and depletes the valuable energy you have to focus on what’s important to you.
Find a friend. Another challenge for me, but I have managed to find some. One voice of support can add tremendous value to your life. My best work friend is a kindred spirit who manages to make me laugh during the most stressful times.
Get back to who you are. Are you living to impress your social media friends, your family or your spouse? Your need to create a false persona is draining and honestly not fooling anyone. Stop fearing being “found out” and just live as you. You’ll like yourself a whole lot better too.
Feel what you gotta feel. Allow yourself to dislike things. Your feelings don’t always have to be publicly expressed but letting your inner voice invalidate them won’t make you feel better in the long term. Go through the bad feelings. Question yourself but don’t always assume you’re wrong when something doesn’t feel right.
Try to laugh every day. About 5 years ago, a coworker told me that I didn’t laugh anymore. He was right. I was taking myself, my pain, and my living situation so seriously that I had stopped laughing at anything. If I haven’t laughed all day, I turn on a favorite comedy or search for funny memes for some laughs.
Overall I’m learning every day to improve my fun factor. Let’s just say it still needs a lot of work, but using these coping strategies as a guide has helped to boost my mood and spirit.
Regency historical novels are definitely a favorite of mine, and I decided to give this a try since it was free through my Kindle Unlimited subscription.
Set in the year 1814 at a mansion in the English countryside, this book is the second in a series that follows a group of hunky intelligence officers who also happen to be members of the aristocracy. Recently widowed from a loveless marriage, Lily Mereworth decides to attend a week-long Christmas celebration at the home of her best friend, Rosalind. Among the guests invited to this gathering is newly ennobled Viscount Asher Rainham, who is also one of England’s most highly ranked intelligence officers. Lily, with the encouragement of Rosalind, has made a sort of bucket list of bold actions to take in order to be free from the oppressive rules set by her former husband. Having already marked off several of these actions, like burning the etiquette book that her former husband gave her, Lily is gradually re-gaining the confidence that she had before her marriage. There is one item on this list that is proving to be the most intimidating for Lily, and that one is to seduce a rogue.
What I Liked about this book:
The main characters, Lily and Asher were both so perfectly matched for each other, and their quirky personalities made them very likeable. I especially liked that they are both intelligent, especially with numbers and calculating odds. Lily has used her intelligence to make wise financial investments. Being a widow in the early 1800s means that she has more control over her finances, rather than having a husband making monetary decisions. Therefore, Lily is very reluctant to get involved with another man and risk having someone control her again.
I also liked that the main characters were older and had mature adult conversations. Fairly often in the historical romance genre, the main characters will be young and immature. This was not the case for Lily and Asher’s story. After being married for eleven unhappy years, Lily is old enough to know what she doesn’t want in a man. She longs to be the brave and fun person she once was, and is doing whatever she can to break free of the strict rules of etiquette that her husband set for her.
Asher is a not a typical hero of a historical romance in that he is incredibly intelligent, he is highly observant of others, and thus a great listener. This has served him well in his career as a spymaster. While not an overtly alpha male character, he is a tough guy with a heart of gold. He really is the total package, smart, strong, and gorgeous.
Another aspect of this book that I enjoyed was the Christmas setting. Everything is just a little bit more magical during this time of year, and the whole premise of a Christmas gathering is interesting. The hosts of the gathering, Rosalind and Lucas, decide to task each guest with choosing a fun activity for the group do do each night. Each of these activities provide a romantic backdrop as Lily and Asher get to know each other. This was such a fun idea, and it reminded me of how before modern times, people had to use their imagination to come up with their entertainment.
What I feel could have been better about the book:
The only aspect that I felt a bit lacking was that there could have been more information about Lily’s family background and more details about what her living situation was like both before her marriage and after. My other complaint is that the book is far too short at 180 pages. While this is the second book of the series, these characters aren’t mentioned that much in the other books. Asher, being the head of the intelligence agency does appear more than Lily.
How steamy is this?
Romance novels can range from the sweet and innocent, to downright filth. Each and every fan of this type of fiction has their own personal preference for how steamy they want the romance to be. In my opinion, this book had just the right amount, which is not too graphic. Don’t get me wrong, this book is steamy, but not overly so.
Would I recommend this book?
Overall, this is one of those historical romances that stands out for the interesting and entertaining characters that you will cheer for as they find love. The entire series is great, but this story was especially dear to me for the cozy Christmas setting and a great second chance love story.
My rating, is a five out of five stars for this lovely story, and I highly recommend this to all fans of historical romance.
