At this stage, I’m not all that fun but hey, I’m working on it. While a convenient excuse would be that having small children has turned me into a manic shrew, in fact, I’m probably more fun now than I was 5 years ago. Before sharing my tips for boosting your inner fun person, I’ll tell you a little bit about my background.
Growing up in an isolated rural setting, I developed a propensity for objects and tasks over people. This type of upbringing often leads to a conscientious observer personality with technical aptitude. Some may refer to us as nerds. And so that’s what I am. A female nerd. If you saw me today, you’d probably not guess I know the Sith Lord master-apprentice lineage from Star Wars mythology, or how to automate leveling your tailoring skills in Everquest 2. You also might not think I can take 3.5 million lines of raw data and turn it into an interactive dashboard, but I certainly have. I can accomplish all of these items with ease and find them “fun” but they are considered boring by most subjective standards.
My journey has been complex and often lonely. A pleasant appearance and rural Alabama upbringing often elicits unflattering stereotypes about my intellect and abilities. For example, I have trained coworkers and shared knowledge with those who did not have these perceived flaws and watched them garner favor using the learning they received from me. These small injustices damaged my spirit and led to self loathing and defeat. In my case, I wanted so much to be someone else, that I lost what is unique about me which is my background and my journey.
While my situation is uncommon, many of us struggle through daily slights and injustices that lead us to question our purpose and identity. Below are some tips I use for coping:
- Focus on yourself. This one is especially tough for me. Social media, working in a crowded office, and living in a small town all contribute to daily comparisons made between myself and others. Some people are masters at projecting a perfect life and image but at what expense? Falling into the trap of comparison is mentally defeating and depletes the valuable energy you have to focus on what’s important to you.
- Find a friend. Another challenge for me, but I have managed to find some. One voice of support can add tremendous value to your life. My best work friend is a kindred spirit who manages to make me laugh during the most stressful times.
- Get back to who you are. Are you living to impress your social media friends, your family or your spouse? Your need to create a false persona is draining and honestly not fooling anyone. Stop fearing being “found out” and just live as you. You’ll like yourself a whole lot better too.
- Feel what you gotta feel. Allow yourself to dislike things. Your feelings don’t always have to be publicly expressed but letting your inner voice invalidate them won’t make you feel better in the long term. Go through the bad feelings. Question yourself but don’t always assume you’re wrong when something doesn’t feel right.
- Try to laugh every day. About 5 years ago, a coworker told me that I didn’t laugh anymore. He was right. I was taking myself, my pain, and my living situation so seriously that I had stopped laughing at anything. If I haven’t laughed all day, I turn on a favorite comedy or search for funny memes for some laughs.
Overall I’m learning every day to improve my fun factor. Let’s just say it still needs a lot of work, but using these coping strategies as a guide has helped to boost my mood and spirit.